The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you had me at cake vodka
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
