so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
