my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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