So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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