Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
