She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i think my mom watched the whole time
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
