I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
