He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
