you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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