i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
