we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
