Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
