I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
