All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
