cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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