Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
