pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
