i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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