The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
