his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
