Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
