That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
