Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
