ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
