Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
