it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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