Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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