Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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