sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
