I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
