You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
