I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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