So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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