I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Randomize
