id be glad to
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think a kid would responsible me up
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
