I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
