he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
