got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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