Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
