Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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