Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
