i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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