Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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