You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
