They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I am one with the molecules
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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