and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
