me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
