Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
