can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
