Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
