I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
