I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
