No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
