so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
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You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
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But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize