i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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