I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
