hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
im having a threesome with these popsicles
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The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
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Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Boobs are out for the taking
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
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