I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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