Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
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That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
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Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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