sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
