I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
this just has baby written all over it
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
