R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
