So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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