Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize