We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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