my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
