it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize