There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
