The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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